Aparigraha: Letting Go - You Don't Have to Hold It All Together

What Yoga Taught Me About Letting Go (And Why It's Harder Than It Sounds)

There's a concept in yoga called Aparigraha.

It's one of the yamas — a set of ethical principles from the Yoga Sutras that guide how we move through the world. Aparigraha is the last of them, and perhaps the most liberating. Translated, it means non-grasping, non-possessiveness — the practice of holding things lightly. Not just things we own, but outcomes, identities, and even the people we love.

And if you're anything like me, your first reaction to that might be: easier said than done.

We Hold On More Than We Realize

Think about the last time you were truly at rest — not scrolling, not replaying a conversation in your head, not mentally running through tomorrow's to-do list. Just... resting.

(As I'm writing this, I just noticed my own shoulders sitting somewhere around my ears.)

For most of us, that moment is hard to locate.

We grip in ways we don't even notice. Tension in the shoulders that's been there so long it feels normal. A jaw that tightens the moment an email notification comes through. A breath held just slightly at the surface, never quite reaching the belly.

But grasping isn't only physical. We grasp at experiences we want to keep, at identities that once fit us, at outcomes we've decided must look a certain way. And some of our deepest grasping is quieter still — it shows up in the way we try to manage other people. The subtle nudge to steer a conversation. The way we rehearse what someone else should do or say. The weight of trying to hold together something — or someone — that isn't ours to carry.

Aparigraha gently loosens that grip. It reminds us that we cannot control others — not their choices, their growth, their timeline, or their path. And that trying to do so doesn't protect us. It just exhausts us.

This isn't weakness. It's what happens when our nervous system spends too much time in a state of alert — scanning, managing, holding on. Over time, the body starts to mistake tension for safety.

Aparigraha asks us to practice something different. Not as a one-time act of letting go, but as an ongoing, gentle return to ease.

Three Places We Grip (And Can Learn to Release)

In my Rooted in Rest Yoga Nidra series, I explore Aparigraha in three distinct ways — because non-grasping isn't just one thing. It lives in the body, the mind, and in the way we relate to outcomes and control.

1. Releasing the Body

We start here because it's the most immediate. The body is always in the present moment, and it keeps an honest record of everything we've been holding.

A Yoga Nidra practice that focuses on physical release isn't about stretching or movement — it's about giving the body permission to stop bracing. Through a systematic body scan, breath awareness, and guided visualization, the nervous system begins to shift from sympathetic (fight-or-flight) to parasympathetic (rest-and-digest). The grip softens. Not because you forced it, but because you stopped fueling it.

Our sankalpa — heartfelt intention — for this session: I soften my grip.

2. Releasing the Mind

The second layer of Aparigraha lives in the mental space. Thoughts we keep returning to. Worries we can't put down. The mental to-do list that follows us into the evening, onto the yoga mat, and sometimes right into sleep.

This is one of the quieter forms of grasping — and one of the most exhausting. In this session, we practice observing the mind without being swept away by it. Thoughts arise, and instead of chasing them or pushing them away, we simply let them pass.

Our sankalpa for this session: I watch without holding on.

3. Releasing Control

The third facet of Aparigraha is perhaps the most challenging: non-attachment to outcomes. To results. To who we think we should be by now, or what we think our lives should look like.

This kind of grasping lives in the future — in the plans we're white-knuckling, the timelines we've set for ourselves, the pressure to have it figured out. And summer, with its sense of fullness and possibility, has a particular way of amplifying it.

But here's what I love about this time of year: the season turns without any effort on our part. The days will shorten, the light will shift, and fall will arrive exactly when it's supposed to. We don't have to control any of it.

That's the invitation in this session — to practice resting in what is, rather than gripping what might be.

On the mat, this might look like releasing the need for your practice to look a certain way today. Off the mat, it might mean trusting that the people in your life are on their own journey — and that loving them doesn't require controlling them.

Our sankalpa: I release what I cannot control.

Why Yoga Nidra for Aparigraha?

Yoga Nidra — sometimes called "yogic sleep" — is a guided meditation practice done in stillness, typically lying down. It's one of the most effective tools I know for nervous system regulation, and it meets Aparigraha right where it lives.

Because the practice itself is an act of non-grasping. You're not trying to achieve a particular state. You're not trying to think the right thoughts or feel the right feelings. You're simply lying there, following the guide, and allowing whatever arises to arise.

In a culture that rewards productivity and effort, that's actually quite radical.

A Question to Sit With

Where are you grasping at control — of a situation, an outcome, or someone else's path? What might it feel like to loosen that grip, even just a little?

You don't have to answer it right now. Just let it be with you.

Ready to Practice?

The Rooted in Rest Yoga Nidra series is rolling out across three sessions — each about 40 minutes and best experienced lying down (blanket highly recommended).

All Sessions are available in the library:

Session 1: Releasing the Body

Session 2: Releasing the Mind

Session 3: Releasing Control

Whether you're brand new to Yoga Nidra or returning to the practice, these sessions are designed to meet you exactly where you are. No experience necessary. Just a willingness to loosen your grip, even a little.

You don't have to hold it all together. Some things are meant to find their own way.

Rooted in practice. Rooted in purpose.

— Emily

"Letting go isn't about giving up. It's about giving over what you were never meant to control in the first place. Peace begins when we loosen our grip."

--Gabrielle Bernstein

"You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway."
— Steve Maraboli